The Call on 26th June 2024
Tuesday, October 8, 2024; 2:38 PM |
An ex-colleague, a teacher in the school where Joy was attending, texted me out of the blue one day. It began with an exchange of pleasantries before I plucked up the courage to ask her how Joy was doing in school. Even though I was curious and worried, out of respect for Joy’s main teachers, I held back on asking closer ex-colleagues about Joy’s situation in school. Her reply then was “that is the reason I’ve reached out today” and as soon as our phone call started, I burst into tears. I don’t remember the last time I sobbed like that, I felt so sorry for my child, so angry at her teachers and, so so so angry with myself.
The teacher shared 2 incidences she personally witnessed 1) Joy was pushed by a teacher in a scuffle after arriving in school crying at drop off 2) Joy was left inside the classroom with the lights off crying as a threat to hurry to get something. She told me that Joy wasn’t doing well in school and it was too heartbreaking for her to continue to witness, hence she decided to reach out.
Long story short, we pulled Joy out of school with immediate effect, the school conducted their investigations and then informed us that they’ve confirmed the incidences and dismissed 2 teachers in question. Joy also told me “Joy joy cry, Joy joy stand outside” and “Joy joy cry, Teacher J put me in a box”, which we later confirmed also happened in the 2 days of cctv footage that was reviewed.
I was overwhelmed by the different emotions I was feeling, anger, guilt and even wondering if “my child was the problem” but mostly I was so utterly heartbroken that my 2 year old went through what she did, not being able to feel safe in school and not knowing that the adults were in the wrong. We learnt that her tiny little body had already reacted anxiously and regretted not having picked up these warning signs earlier.
I’ve since picked up the pieces of my heart, found Joy a more suitable school and am able to recount this story without cursing out the teachers. But I’ve also only recently come to realise how greatly this incident has impacted and affected me as a parent but I’ll leave my PTSD to another post.
Is it really my child?
Sunday, October 6, 2024; 10:12 PM |
Are they giving up too?
It is so so hard to push away these thoughts.
Bad Mom Days
Tuesday, October 1, 2024; 3:28 PM |
Had one of my toughest parenting days yesterday with the lil bub who was constantly testing the boundaries and unusually cranky.
I was alone with bub and at some point completely lost it with her. I behaved in a way I was not proud of and felt like a complete failure in my role as a mama. I even entertained thoughts like how I was no different from the teachers who treated her unkindly in her first school.
There are going to be hard days again, many. But here’s a reminder to myself to remember that she is having a hard time and not trying to give me a hard time (even though it looks a lot like that). After putting her to bed yesterday night, I curled up on my sofa to decompress and realise that bad sleep in school and an over hectic weekend is probably the reason why she was unusually cranky. My emotions were triggered too from the get-go at pick up when the teachers shared their feedback with me about Joy.
One night, I gave myself one night to feel the crippling and overwhelming guilt of being a bad mum. Today I HAVE TO pick myself up from that, push away x257 unhealthy thoughts and tell myself that today will be a better day, I will be better than I was yesterday.
The Call on 26th June 2024
Tuesday, October 8, 2024; 2:38 PM |
An ex-colleague, a teacher in the school where Joy was attending, texted me out of the blue one day. It began with an exchange of pleasantries before I plucked up the courage to ask her how Joy was doing in school. Even though I was curious and worried, out of respect for Joy’s main teachers, I held back on asking closer ex-colleagues about Joy’s situation in school. Her reply then was “that is the reason I’ve reached out today” and as soon as our phone call started, I burst into tears. I don’t remember the last time I sobbed like that, I felt so sorry for my child, so angry at her teachers and, so so so angry with myself.
The teacher shared 2 incidences she personally witnessed 1) Joy was pushed by a teacher in a scuffle after arriving in school crying at drop off 2) Joy was left inside the classroom with the lights off crying as a threat to hurry to get something. She told me that Joy wasn’t doing well in school and it was too heartbreaking for her to continue to witness, hence she decided to reach out.
Long story short, we pulled Joy out of school with immediate effect, the school conducted their investigations and then informed us that they’ve confirmed the incidences and dismissed 2 teachers in question. Joy also told me “Joy joy cry, Joy joy stand outside” and “Joy joy cry, Teacher J put me in a box”, which we later confirmed also happened in the 2 days of cctv footage that was reviewed.
I was overwhelmed by the different emotions I was feeling, anger, guilt and even wondering if “my child was the problem” but mostly I was so utterly heartbroken that my 2 year old went through what she did, not being able to feel safe in school and not knowing that the adults were in the wrong. We learnt that her tiny little body had already reacted anxiously and regretted not having picked up these warning signs earlier.
I’ve since picked up the pieces of my heart, found Joy a more suitable school and am able to recount this story without cursing out the teachers. But I’ve also only recently come to realise how greatly this incident has impacted and affected me as a parent but I’ll leave my PTSD to another post.
Is it really my child?
Sunday, October 6, 2024; 10:12 PM |
Are they giving up too?
It is so so hard to push away these thoughts.
Bad Mom Days
Tuesday, October 1, 2024; 3:28 PM |
Had one of my toughest parenting days yesterday with the lil bub who was constantly testing the boundaries and unusually cranky.
I was alone with bub and at some point completely lost it with her. I behaved in a way I was not proud of and felt like a complete failure in my role as a mama. I even entertained thoughts like how I was no different from the teachers who treated her unkindly in her first school.
There are going to be hard days again, many. But here’s a reminder to myself to remember that she is having a hard time and not trying to give me a hard time (even though it looks a lot like that). After putting her to bed yesterday night, I curled up on my sofa to decompress and realise that bad sleep in school and an over hectic weekend is probably the reason why she was unusually cranky. My emotions were triggered too from the get-go at pick up when the teachers shared their feedback with me about Joy.
One night, I gave myself one night to feel the crippling and overwhelming guilt of being a bad mum. Today I HAVE TO pick myself up from that, push away x257 unhealthy thoughts and tell myself that today will be a better day, I will be better than I was yesterday.
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