Inside
Sunday, September 28, 2025; 9:33 PM |
A little bit of me died inside today,
A little bit of us died too.
Dear Joy
Saturday, June 28, 2025; 12:31 AM |
Dear Joy,
One of Mama’s friends told me I could write a letter to you to find some healing from all that we’ve gone through.
In June 2024, I pulled you out of your first school — overwhelmed with guilt, grief, and rage over what you had experienced. It’s been almost a year since then, and today I dropped off a smiling, happy you at your new school. You’ve grown, you’ve blossomed, and so much has changed — but the emotions from your first school experience are still so raw in Mama’s heart.
I thought this would also be a good time for me to reflect on the past three years — three years of you, and three years of me as your Mama. It’s been a wild ride of emotions: joy, exhaustion, worry (constant worrying), amazement, thankfulness, and immense pride. Some days I feel drained and defeated. Other days, you leave this warm, fuzzy feeling in my heart that I never want to forget.
My precious child, you are funny, witty, so bright, and so, so perceptive. At such a young age, you notice the subtlest shifts in the environment and the emotions of those around you. I remember one night during our bedtime routine, Mama was feeling tired — and even though I thought I had done a decent job regulating my emotions, you asked me, “Mama, why are you feeling cranky?”
Mama and Papa came across a book called The Highly Sensitive Child, and it brought so much clarity about the little person you are — and the wonderful person you are growing up to be. Though you’re only three, you already reflect deeply, feel intensely, and think more than most children your age.
I look back now and better understand your cautiousness around other children, your anxiety at your first school, your intense fear of unpleasant experiences like vomiting, and how overwhelmed you felt by loud noises or unfamiliar situations. The things other kids might dive straight into — like bouncy castles and magic shows — you needed time to observe first, a lot of pep talks, reassurances, and gentle encouragement before you could accept and eventually enjoy them in your own time.
Parenting a highly sensitive child hasn’t been the easiest road- it’s required more patience, more presence, and more reflection than I ever imagined. Some days, my heart aches because of how deeply you feel, because of how tender your little spirit is, and how you may feel overwhelmed by things others might not even notice. But every time you take that brave little step forward, even the smallest one outside of your comfort zone, my heart swells with pride. Your breakthroughs may seem small to others, but to me, they are mighty. You are growing in your own beautiful, steady way.
I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with the way you feel or see the world — your sensitivity is not a weakness, it’s your superpower. It makes you kind, intuitive, and beautifully aware in a world that often moves too fast and too loud.
As one passage from a book I read said so perfectly:
“In all likelihood, your sensitive toddler will one day grow into a sensitive adult. And while she’ll probably still feel things intensely, the positive aspects of sensitivity — being creative, observant, intuitive, thoughtful, artistic and empathetic — will emerge even more as she gets older. In fact, those wonderful aspects are probably already quite evident in your child.”
And I see that in you already, Joy - every single day.
I am so sorry you had to go through something that made you feel afraid, unheard and unseen at such a young tender age. You were having a hard time, not trying to give others a hard time - and your teachers then failed to recognise that. As your mama, I promise to be your voice when you need one, to advocate for you when things don’t seem right and to be here for you as we figure out the balance between protecting you and giving you the courage to try.
Mama is learning too — learning to listen better, to slow down, and to stay calm when things feel hard. I’ve made mistakes, and I know I’ll make more. But you were always ready to love me right back, even when I fall short. That means everything to me. I promise I’ll keep trying, and keep growing with you, always.
(Also, Mama asked a little helper called ChatGPT to help me write this letter — it’s like a really smart computer friend who helped me find the right words for all the feelings in my heart.)
Joy, you are deeply loved exactly as you are. I am so proud of you and I thank God every day that I get to be your Mama. Here’s to us — three years in, and just getting started.
With all my love,
Mama
It’s okay
Monday, June 2, 2025; 11:29 PM |
Some days I love the life I have, but sometimes I don’t, and that’s okay.
Some days it’s hard to be kind to myself and that’s okay.
Some days it’s easier to leave things broken than to fix it and that’s okay.
Some days I’m not okay and that’s okay.
The Call on 26th June 2024
Tuesday, October 8, 2024; 2:38 PM |
An ex-colleague, a teacher in the school where Joy was attending, texted me out of the blue one day. It began with an exchange of pleasantries before I plucked up the courage to ask her how Joy was doing in school. Even though I was curious and worried, out of respect for Joy’s main teachers, I held back on asking closer ex-colleagues about Joy’s situation in school. Her reply then was “that is the reason I’ve reached out today” and as soon as our phone call started, I burst into tears. I don’t remember the last time I sobbed like that, I felt so sorry for my child, so angry at her teachers and, so so so angry with myself.
The teacher shared 2 incidences she personally witnessed 1) Joy was pushed by a teacher in a scuffle after arriving in school crying at drop off 2) Joy was left inside the classroom with the lights off crying as a threat to hurry to get something. She told me that Joy wasn’t doing well in school and it was too heartbreaking for her to continue to witness, hence she decided to reach out.
Long story short, we pulled Joy out of school with immediate effect, the school conducted their investigations and then informed us that they’ve confirmed the incidences and dismissed 2 teachers in question. Joy also told me “Joy joy cry, Joy joy stand outside” and “Joy joy cry, Teacher J put me in a box”, which we later confirmed also happened in the 2 days of cctv footage that was reviewed.
I was overwhelmed by the different emotions I was feeling, anger, guilt and even wondering if “my child was the problem” but mostly I was so utterly heartbroken that my 2 year old went through what she did, not being able to feel safe in school and not knowing that the adults were in the wrong. We learnt that her tiny little body had already reacted anxiously and regretted not having picked up these warning signs earlier.
I’ve since picked up the pieces of my heart, found Joy a more suitable school and am able to recount this story without cursing out the teachers. But I’ve also only recently come to realise how greatly this incident has impacted and affected me as a parent but I’ll leave my PTSD to another post.
Is it really my child?
Sunday, October 6, 2024; 10:12 PM |
Are they giving up too?
It is so so hard to push away these thoughts.
Bad Mom Days
Tuesday, October 1, 2024; 3:28 PM |
Had one of my toughest parenting days yesterday with the lil bub who was constantly testing the boundaries and unusually cranky.
I was alone with bub and at some point completely lost it with her. I behaved in a way I was not proud of and felt like a complete failure in my role as a mama. I even entertained thoughts like how I was no different from the teachers who treated her unkindly in her first school.
There are going to be hard days again, many. But here’s a reminder to myself to remember that she is having a hard time and not trying to give me a hard time (even though it looks a lot like that). After putting her to bed yesterday night, I curled up on my sofa to decompress and realise that bad sleep in school and an over hectic weekend is probably the reason why she was unusually cranky. My emotions were triggered too from the get-go at pick up when the teachers shared their feedback with me about Joy.
One night, I gave myself one night to feel the crippling and overwhelming guilt of being a bad mum. Today I HAVE TO pick myself up from that, push away x257 unhealthy thoughts and tell myself that today will be a better day, I will be better than I was yesterday.
Feelings Felt
Monday, September 23, 2024; 3:30 PM |
My blog is always an open tab in my phone and every once in awhile I would open it and read a few posts in random. A few days ago I read this one:
It was interesting to read about the people (hawker stall owners) who were part of my daily life when I was 22. It’s been more than 10 years ago and if I hadn’t read the post, I really wouldn’t have remembered them, my interactions with them and the way they made me feel.
It’s nice. It’s nice to have a digital diary for myself to look back on every once in a while. It’s always nice to remember, to reminisce and to feel the feelings my younger self felt when writing the blogposts.
For many years I felt I’ve lost touch with writing, was too busy to write and just didn’t have much to write about anymore. Maybe it isn’t that, maybe I’ve just forgotten how to find the goodness in each day and be thankful for it. So I’d like to pick up from where the younger Anne who reflected often left off, and every once in a while update the blog so that future Anne will always be able to feel and re-feel those feelings of gratitude, excitement, exhaustion, hurt and love she feels in different seasons of her life.
2023
Friday, January 27, 2023; 10:47 PM |
I’m glad the young me chose to keep a blog. It is both very fun and embarrassing to read back on posts by my10 years younger self.
Reading back and looking back has made me realised how much things have changed and even more so how much I have changed. I miss that young, carefree and passionate self, but have also really come to embrace and be comfortable with this version of me I am right now at 32 turning 33. I like that I (very much) still think and feel deeply about things (though I have less time and energy to pen them down or do anything about them). I am also at a comfortable place with the friends in my life (not meeting often but close to the heart). And most importantly, though every day brings me a dozen of mini challenges, I like that I get to spend quality time with my child each day.
Yes, my child. Sometimes I still cannot believe that I am a mom. Blogposts can be non-coherent and can also end abruptly. So ya kthxbye 😂
Valley of Baka
Sunday, August 11, 2019; 12:51 AM |
What do you do when you find yourself stuck in a valley? You try and try and try so hard to walk out of it, to reach that spring you know is supposed to come, but no matter how hard you try, you only catch glimpses of the spring and you just can’t get there.
Sunday, July 15, 2018; 11:36 AM |
“Talent that hides is talent that rots.
If you don’t use it, you will lose it.” (Yang, 2018)
Sunday, June 3, 2018; 10:55 PM |
I miss carefree days
心有余力不足
Sunday, May 27, 2018; 5:58 PM |
At a point in my life where I feel like I’m failing in every single role I’m in; as a
daughter, a sister, a partner, a teacher and a friend.
2017 to 2018
Tuesday, January 2, 2018; 12:06 AM |
2017; thankful for a year of God’s faithfulness and favour upon my life.
As I transited a class of N1 kiddos to N2 two weeks back, I find it funny how there’s a subconscious change in perspectives & expectations of the adults on the children now that they are “big kids”, where in fact, they’re quite as much little as they were a weekend ago when they were in N1. To me, the crossing over of one year to another feels oddly similar to that, just that it’s about perceptions and expectations we have on ourselves- i tend to think I get to “reset” in a new year, “I’ll do everything right & good from now on”. 2 months into the new year I get disappointed cause I can’t be all right and good, the bar I’ve set for my new-year-self is just too high for me to achieve. 2017 and 2018 is merely a day apart, I’m still quite the person I was yesterday, and change doesn’t happen overnight. The kiddos still need help unbuttoning their shirts even though they’re now in N2, and I need the time to right what is wrong, to make progress and to grow. So as much as setting goals for the new year is important, recognising that attaining these goals take time, failures, repetition & endurance is too.
#latenightmusings
Tuesday, August 8, 2017; 8:31 AM |
One the hardest feelings to manage in life is regret.
Do you think about your "what if" and "could be"?
Thursday, March 23, 2017; 8:39 AM |
Should we spend our time trying to improve the things we aren't good at, or use that time to make what we're good at better?
Had a conversation with the Wheelock girls over dinner one day about how Australia's preschool education system focuses solely on the individual strengths of each child. Contrasting that with Singapore's preschool education system that believes in a more holistic approach to learning, which aims not just to build strengths but improve weaknesses of the child. The talk provoked thoughts on the way I had lived my life and the way I should approach a child's strengths and weaknesses as an educator in the future.
Many of us who grew up in the true blue sg education system would find ourselves spending the largest part of our time working on improving what we're bad at. My grades for math started dipping since I was 9 years old, and from then till I was 16, I struggled with and battled math. I always had to spend more time on math, because well, "practice (is supposed to) make perfect". I wouldn't say my practice made perfect, but it did make significant progress. I was scoring one digit results for amath in school exams, but I think I got a b3 at olevels.
Why then do people say practice makes perfect? It hardly ever would if we spend our time practicing what we're bad at isn't it? What if we choose to use that time or at least a part of it to perfect a skill we are good at? How much easier would it be at try harder at, to keep practicing, to keep going, if we were facing something we enjoyed, something we were good at?
How many of us would be stuck at the question "hey, what are you really good at?"- you'd stop and think to yourself, "well, I'm good at art, but I'm not great at it, and that's the same for singing and the other things Im good at too".
Why are we raising a generation of children who would grow up to become jacks of all trades but masters of none? And how many lucky ones of the lot, will actually find that one thing they're great at, and yet how many talents go un-noticed and un-supported.
Shouldn't we be paying a little more attention to interests and strengths? Let an active child do sports, gymnastics or dance, rather than worry it might make him "even more" active. Have a child dreaming to be a movie star? Can we not be too quick to douse that dream? A child that you can't get to stop talking? Why not choose to give him different avenues to talk?
I'm still a firm believer of "who you are is good enough", and no not everyone has to be a star at something. It's just sad to think of the many could be's and what if's one would have in life- all cause we grow up feeling like we had to be like everyone else, and instead of letting our strengths define us, we let our weaknesses. #foodforthought
The good in today
Saturday, March 11, 2017; 11:28 PM |
So many times a
bad event, experience or memory can cloud our minds and eyes from the good that happened in the day. So I decided to make a conscious choice to remember the good that happened in my not-so-good day today (:
The boyfriend agreed to sacrifice his sleep to meet me in the morning to take photos that I could use for my work. We managed to eat at white restaurant without much of a queue and the coconut was really yummy too. I spent my afternoon singing karaoke with a few friends from church. The boyfriend threw me playful glances and sang songs to me, and we had fun singing together. Then I got to visit Ilights with the boyfriend, who took breaks when I needed to, helped to take photos, held my hands up when they swelled suddenly, made me laugh, and finally sent me home even though we've been out for an entire day.
Seems to me like a pretty good day, and I just want to head to bed thankful more than anything else. Thankful for what God has blessed me with, thankful for more good things than bad things in a day, thankful because I have things to be thankful about.
Unconditional love
Friday, February 10, 2017; 11:51 PM |
Feeling so blessed, loved and favoured as a child of God. And also so undeserving of the love I'm receiving, a love that is extravagant and a love that is unconditional.
It truly is a testimony of Your grace and love. Indeed You have made all things beautiful in Your time.
Thank You daddy God,
For the door You open, no one can shut.
Building up my faith to trust that You are in control of my life, decisions and future.
Cohort 9
Friday, January 27, 2017; 1:27 PM |
Project: Wheelock girls surprise the Cleaners and Security Guards with CNY goodies to say "thank you, we appreciate you!"
Wouldn't have been able to do this without them, people gave generously, offered their time to help pack and give out packages of appreciation to the Cleaners and security Guards of the SIT@NP building. my heart is full because of the kindness and goodness I see in each and every one of these girls, and I'm so thankful to have formed friendships with them over the last 2 years..
With intensive 6 weeks almost coming to an end, the reality that our Wheelock days will soooon be over hits me, and I'm reallyyyyy going to miss everything about it (yes, even the lectures and assignments) (':
Most of my educational experiences made me a smarter person than I was before, but Wheelock made me a better person. many times it pushed me out of my comfort zones, it helped me recognise and acknowledge my strengths and made me a more confident person. It also made me a kinder person, how not to when I'm surrounded by such kindness day in and day out.
I'm so thankful that God left me a space in Wheelock college cohort 9, and planned for my path to cross with the paths of these beautiful souls ❤️ #veryblessed
Goodness is all around you
Friday, January 13, 2017; 8:47 AM |
Sent out a message to the class chat yesterday to inform people of my leadership project to bless the Cleaners and security Guards of our SIT campus in NP (:
Within an hour, I've got the items I need through donation, and people who volunteered to help on days we would pack the gifts and give them out.
I've got people texting me on the side, to ask if I needed more items, more help, or if they could just get all the oranges in for us. And seriously, the kindness that was overflowing through my class chat, almost left me choked up in tears.
Kindness is what keeps the world going. (: and I'm glad that such a kind group of people are becoming educators of young children! Truly embracing the Wheelock spirit #inspireaworldofgood 👍🏼
Christmas 2016
Thursday, December 29, 2016; 6:59 PM |
Christmas this year was yet again spent in Klang (:
Returned to sg with a heart full of mixed emotions; gladness to have spent good time with dear ones, pride to see how much some of them have grown and matured and sadness to part with those who are so close to my heart.
For many years, I've always felt that my presence in Gsh was mainly for those I've established a closer and deeper relationship with, I've always felt that it isn't within my ability even if I had wanted to, to spend time with everyone and build relationships with every child in the home. It's true, it really isn't quite possible; but this year, i saw things in a relatively different perspective.
I saw how simple conversations can make a difference, how goofing around can help break down walls, how spending quality time/writing cards are efforts that will never go down the drain, and definitely the power of a selfie stick and apps like boomerang 😂
This year, instead of telling them that I love them, I thanked them for loving me. I told them honestly and sincerely that I can't spend equal time with everyone in the home, but I'd want to spend time with them too, no matter how short.
To Rachael, thank you for being the little Sister I've never had, I enjoyed our chats and prayer in the room, and am so blessed to be a part of your journey as you grow and mature into an amazing young lady. I'll tell you again and again, that Jie Anne sees the beauty in you, both inside and out, never let anyone or anything make you feel otherwise. I love you 🙆🏻
To Hannah, for showering me with your love throughout this trip (except when there was sushi and carrom 😂) with the random heart emoticons and handwritten letter. With you, Jie Anne had my share of heartbreaks and heartaches, but it's also with you, I feel and receive so much love. Wished I had more time with you, really. You'll always be my Hannah banana ⛄️
To Bryan, my man in Klang (yes he wouldn't ditch me for sushi, but then again he doesn't like sushi hahaha). I can only wish that in a year's time, you'd still give me hugs upon request 😂 you are such a joy and so fun to be around, I'll be back... to wipe the sweat off your nose 😂
To Thomas, you surprised me with a gift on my last day this trip, and I'm Glad I lugged it home even though it took up a quarter of the luggage. Though you don't say much, I know you know and feel deeply. Thank you for letting me in, into your world 😊
And to Jeremy, for 5 days of improper sleep, looking out for the Chua's, and for being you, thank you. You inspire me, with your kindness, patience, selflessness and incredibly big heart. (Oh and amazing memory 👍🏼) ⛄️
From now till the next time I'll see all of you, I'll keep the "I love you 100%", "I love you till inifity", "this, for you" and "Jie Anne"s close to my heart.
I love all of you, very very much. And thank you for loving me too. ☺️
Inside
Sunday, September 28, 2025; 9:33 PM |
A little bit of me died inside today,
A little bit of us died too.
Dear Joy
Saturday, June 28, 2025; 12:31 AM |
Dear Joy,
One of Mama’s friends told me I could write a letter to you to find some healing from all that we’ve gone through.
In June 2024, I pulled you out of your first school — overwhelmed with guilt, grief, and rage over what you had experienced. It’s been almost a year since then, and today I dropped off a smiling, happy you at your new school. You’ve grown, you’ve blossomed, and so much has changed — but the emotions from your first school experience are still so raw in Mama’s heart.
I thought this would also be a good time for me to reflect on the past three years — three years of you, and three years of me as your Mama. It’s been a wild ride of emotions: joy, exhaustion, worry (constant worrying), amazement, thankfulness, and immense pride. Some days I feel drained and defeated. Other days, you leave this warm, fuzzy feeling in my heart that I never want to forget.
My precious child, you are funny, witty, so bright, and so, so perceptive. At such a young age, you notice the subtlest shifts in the environment and the emotions of those around you. I remember one night during our bedtime routine, Mama was feeling tired — and even though I thought I had done a decent job regulating my emotions, you asked me, “Mama, why are you feeling cranky?”
Mama and Papa came across a book called The Highly Sensitive Child, and it brought so much clarity about the little person you are — and the wonderful person you are growing up to be. Though you’re only three, you already reflect deeply, feel intensely, and think more than most children your age.
I look back now and better understand your cautiousness around other children, your anxiety at your first school, your intense fear of unpleasant experiences like vomiting, and how overwhelmed you felt by loud noises or unfamiliar situations. The things other kids might dive straight into — like bouncy castles and magic shows — you needed time to observe first, a lot of pep talks, reassurances, and gentle encouragement before you could accept and eventually enjoy them in your own time.
Parenting a highly sensitive child hasn’t been the easiest road- it’s required more patience, more presence, and more reflection than I ever imagined. Some days, my heart aches because of how deeply you feel, because of how tender your little spirit is, and how you may feel overwhelmed by things others might not even notice. But every time you take that brave little step forward, even the smallest one outside of your comfort zone, my heart swells with pride. Your breakthroughs may seem small to others, but to me, they are mighty. You are growing in your own beautiful, steady way.
I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with the way you feel or see the world — your sensitivity is not a weakness, it’s your superpower. It makes you kind, intuitive, and beautifully aware in a world that often moves too fast and too loud.
As one passage from a book I read said so perfectly:
“In all likelihood, your sensitive toddler will one day grow into a sensitive adult. And while she’ll probably still feel things intensely, the positive aspects of sensitivity — being creative, observant, intuitive, thoughtful, artistic and empathetic — will emerge even more as she gets older. In fact, those wonderful aspects are probably already quite evident in your child.”
And I see that in you already, Joy - every single day.
I am so sorry you had to go through something that made you feel afraid, unheard and unseen at such a young tender age. You were having a hard time, not trying to give others a hard time - and your teachers then failed to recognise that. As your mama, I promise to be your voice when you need one, to advocate for you when things don’t seem right and to be here for you as we figure out the balance between protecting you and giving you the courage to try.
Mama is learning too — learning to listen better, to slow down, and to stay calm when things feel hard. I’ve made mistakes, and I know I’ll make more. But you were always ready to love me right back, even when I fall short. That means everything to me. I promise I’ll keep trying, and keep growing with you, always.
(Also, Mama asked a little helper called ChatGPT to help me write this letter — it’s like a really smart computer friend who helped me find the right words for all the feelings in my heart.)
Joy, you are deeply loved exactly as you are. I am so proud of you and I thank God every day that I get to be your Mama. Here’s to us — three years in, and just getting started.
With all my love,
Mama
It’s okay
Monday, June 2, 2025; 11:29 PM |
Some days I love the life I have, but sometimes I don’t, and that’s okay.
Some days it’s hard to be kind to myself and that’s okay.
Some days it’s easier to leave things broken than to fix it and that’s okay.
Some days I’m not okay and that’s okay.
The Call on 26th June 2024
Tuesday, October 8, 2024; 2:38 PM |
An ex-colleague, a teacher in the school where Joy was attending, texted me out of the blue one day. It began with an exchange of pleasantries before I plucked up the courage to ask her how Joy was doing in school. Even though I was curious and worried, out of respect for Joy’s main teachers, I held back on asking closer ex-colleagues about Joy’s situation in school. Her reply then was “that is the reason I’ve reached out today” and as soon as our phone call started, I burst into tears. I don’t remember the last time I sobbed like that, I felt so sorry for my child, so angry at her teachers and, so so so angry with myself.
The teacher shared 2 incidences she personally witnessed 1) Joy was pushed by a teacher in a scuffle after arriving in school crying at drop off 2) Joy was left inside the classroom with the lights off crying as a threat to hurry to get something. She told me that Joy wasn’t doing well in school and it was too heartbreaking for her to continue to witness, hence she decided to reach out.
Long story short, we pulled Joy out of school with immediate effect, the school conducted their investigations and then informed us that they’ve confirmed the incidences and dismissed 2 teachers in question. Joy also told me “Joy joy cry, Joy joy stand outside” and “Joy joy cry, Teacher J put me in a box”, which we later confirmed also happened in the 2 days of cctv footage that was reviewed.
I was overwhelmed by the different emotions I was feeling, anger, guilt and even wondering if “my child was the problem” but mostly I was so utterly heartbroken that my 2 year old went through what she did, not being able to feel safe in school and not knowing that the adults were in the wrong. We learnt that her tiny little body had already reacted anxiously and regretted not having picked up these warning signs earlier.
I’ve since picked up the pieces of my heart, found Joy a more suitable school and am able to recount this story without cursing out the teachers. But I’ve also only recently come to realise how greatly this incident has impacted and affected me as a parent but I’ll leave my PTSD to another post.
Is it really my child?
Sunday, October 6, 2024; 10:12 PM |
Are they giving up too?
It is so so hard to push away these thoughts.
Bad Mom Days
Tuesday, October 1, 2024; 3:28 PM |
Had one of my toughest parenting days yesterday with the lil bub who was constantly testing the boundaries and unusually cranky.
I was alone with bub and at some point completely lost it with her. I behaved in a way I was not proud of and felt like a complete failure in my role as a mama. I even entertained thoughts like how I was no different from the teachers who treated her unkindly in her first school.
There are going to be hard days again, many. But here’s a reminder to myself to remember that she is having a hard time and not trying to give me a hard time (even though it looks a lot like that). After putting her to bed yesterday night, I curled up on my sofa to decompress and realise that bad sleep in school and an over hectic weekend is probably the reason why she was unusually cranky. My emotions were triggered too from the get-go at pick up when the teachers shared their feedback with me about Joy.
One night, I gave myself one night to feel the crippling and overwhelming guilt of being a bad mum. Today I HAVE TO pick myself up from that, push away x257 unhealthy thoughts and tell myself that today will be a better day, I will be better than I was yesterday.
Feelings Felt
Monday, September 23, 2024; 3:30 PM |
My blog is always an open tab in my phone and every once in awhile I would open it and read a few posts in random. A few days ago I read this one:
It was interesting to read about the people (hawker stall owners) who were part of my daily life when I was 22. It’s been more than 10 years ago and if I hadn’t read the post, I really wouldn’t have remembered them, my interactions with them and the way they made me feel.
It’s nice. It’s nice to have a digital diary for myself to look back on every once in a while. It’s always nice to remember, to reminisce and to feel the feelings my younger self felt when writing the blogposts.
For many years I felt I’ve lost touch with writing, was too busy to write and just didn’t have much to write about anymore. Maybe it isn’t that, maybe I’ve just forgotten how to find the goodness in each day and be thankful for it. So I’d like to pick up from where the younger Anne who reflected often left off, and every once in a while update the blog so that future Anne will always be able to feel and re-feel those feelings of gratitude, excitement, exhaustion, hurt and love she feels in different seasons of her life.
2023
Friday, January 27, 2023; 10:47 PM |
I’m glad the young me chose to keep a blog. It is both very fun and embarrassing to read back on posts by my10 years younger self.
Reading back and looking back has made me realised how much things have changed and even more so how much I have changed. I miss that young, carefree and passionate self, but have also really come to embrace and be comfortable with this version of me I am right now at 32 turning 33. I like that I (very much) still think and feel deeply about things (though I have less time and energy to pen them down or do anything about them). I am also at a comfortable place with the friends in my life (not meeting often but close to the heart). And most importantly, though every day brings me a dozen of mini challenges, I like that I get to spend quality time with my child each day.
Yes, my child. Sometimes I still cannot believe that I am a mom. Blogposts can be non-coherent and can also end abruptly. So ya kthxbye 😂
Valley of Baka
Sunday, August 11, 2019; 12:51 AM |
What do you do when you find yourself stuck in a valley? You try and try and try so hard to walk out of it, to reach that spring you know is supposed to come, but no matter how hard you try, you only catch glimpses of the spring and you just can’t get there.
Sunday, July 15, 2018; 11:36 AM |
“Talent that hides is talent that rots.
If you don’t use it, you will lose it.” (Yang, 2018)
Sunday, June 3, 2018; 10:55 PM |
I miss carefree days
心有余力不足
Sunday, May 27, 2018; 5:58 PM |
At a point in my life where I feel like I’m failing in every single role I’m in; as a
daughter, a sister, a partner, a teacher and a friend.
2017 to 2018
Tuesday, January 2, 2018; 12:06 AM |
2017; thankful for a year of God’s faithfulness and favour upon my life.
As I transited a class of N1 kiddos to N2 two weeks back, I find it funny how there’s a subconscious change in perspectives & expectations of the adults on the children now that they are “big kids”, where in fact, they’re quite as much little as they were a weekend ago when they were in N1. To me, the crossing over of one year to another feels oddly similar to that, just that it’s about perceptions and expectations we have on ourselves- i tend to think I get to “reset” in a new year, “I’ll do everything right & good from now on”. 2 months into the new year I get disappointed cause I can’t be all right and good, the bar I’ve set for my new-year-self is just too high for me to achieve. 2017 and 2018 is merely a day apart, I’m still quite the person I was yesterday, and change doesn’t happen overnight. The kiddos still need help unbuttoning their shirts even though they’re now in N2, and I need the time to right what is wrong, to make progress and to grow. So as much as setting goals for the new year is important, recognising that attaining these goals take time, failures, repetition & endurance is too.
#latenightmusings
Tuesday, August 8, 2017; 8:31 AM |
One the hardest feelings to manage in life is regret.
Do you think about your "what if" and "could be"?
Thursday, March 23, 2017; 8:39 AM |
Should we spend our time trying to improve the things we aren't good at, or use that time to make what we're good at better?
Had a conversation with the Wheelock girls over dinner one day about how Australia's preschool education system focuses solely on the individual strengths of each child. Contrasting that with Singapore's preschool education system that believes in a more holistic approach to learning, which aims not just to build strengths but improve weaknesses of the child. The talk provoked thoughts on the way I had lived my life and the way I should approach a child's strengths and weaknesses as an educator in the future.
Many of us who grew up in the true blue sg education system would find ourselves spending the largest part of our time working on improving what we're bad at. My grades for math started dipping since I was 9 years old, and from then till I was 16, I struggled with and battled math. I always had to spend more time on math, because well, "practice (is supposed to) make perfect". I wouldn't say my practice made perfect, but it did make significant progress. I was scoring one digit results for amath in school exams, but I think I got a b3 at olevels.
Why then do people say practice makes perfect? It hardly ever would if we spend our time practicing what we're bad at isn't it? What if we choose to use that time or at least a part of it to perfect a skill we are good at? How much easier would it be at try harder at, to keep practicing, to keep going, if we were facing something we enjoyed, something we were good at?
How many of us would be stuck at the question "hey, what are you really good at?"- you'd stop and think to yourself, "well, I'm good at art, but I'm not great at it, and that's the same for singing and the other things Im good at too".
Why are we raising a generation of children who would grow up to become jacks of all trades but masters of none? And how many lucky ones of the lot, will actually find that one thing they're great at, and yet how many talents go un-noticed and un-supported.
Shouldn't we be paying a little more attention to interests and strengths? Let an active child do sports, gymnastics or dance, rather than worry it might make him "even more" active. Have a child dreaming to be a movie star? Can we not be too quick to douse that dream? A child that you can't get to stop talking? Why not choose to give him different avenues to talk?
I'm still a firm believer of "who you are is good enough", and no not everyone has to be a star at something. It's just sad to think of the many could be's and what if's one would have in life- all cause we grow up feeling like we had to be like everyone else, and instead of letting our strengths define us, we let our weaknesses. #foodforthought
The good in today
Saturday, March 11, 2017; 11:28 PM |
So many times a
bad event, experience or memory can cloud our minds and eyes from the good that happened in the day. So I decided to make a conscious choice to remember the good that happened in my not-so-good day today (:
The boyfriend agreed to sacrifice his sleep to meet me in the morning to take photos that I could use for my work. We managed to eat at white restaurant without much of a queue and the coconut was really yummy too. I spent my afternoon singing karaoke with a few friends from church. The boyfriend threw me playful glances and sang songs to me, and we had fun singing together. Then I got to visit Ilights with the boyfriend, who took breaks when I needed to, helped to take photos, held my hands up when they swelled suddenly, made me laugh, and finally sent me home even though we've been out for an entire day.
Seems to me like a pretty good day, and I just want to head to bed thankful more than anything else. Thankful for what God has blessed me with, thankful for more good things than bad things in a day, thankful because I have things to be thankful about.
Unconditional love
Friday, February 10, 2017; 11:51 PM |
Feeling so blessed, loved and favoured as a child of God. And also so undeserving of the love I'm receiving, a love that is extravagant and a love that is unconditional.
It truly is a testimony of Your grace and love. Indeed You have made all things beautiful in Your time.
Thank You daddy God,
For the door You open, no one can shut.
Building up my faith to trust that You are in control of my life, decisions and future.
Cohort 9
Friday, January 27, 2017; 1:27 PM |
Project: Wheelock girls surprise the Cleaners and Security Guards with CNY goodies to say "thank you, we appreciate you!"
Wouldn't have been able to do this without them, people gave generously, offered their time to help pack and give out packages of appreciation to the Cleaners and security Guards of the SIT@NP building. my heart is full because of the kindness and goodness I see in each and every one of these girls, and I'm so thankful to have formed friendships with them over the last 2 years..
With intensive 6 weeks almost coming to an end, the reality that our Wheelock days will soooon be over hits me, and I'm reallyyyyy going to miss everything about it (yes, even the lectures and assignments) (':
Most of my educational experiences made me a smarter person than I was before, but Wheelock made me a better person. many times it pushed me out of my comfort zones, it helped me recognise and acknowledge my strengths and made me a more confident person. It also made me a kinder person, how not to when I'm surrounded by such kindness day in and day out.
I'm so thankful that God left me a space in Wheelock college cohort 9, and planned for my path to cross with the paths of these beautiful souls ❤️ #veryblessed
Goodness is all around you
Friday, January 13, 2017; 8:47 AM |
Sent out a message to the class chat yesterday to inform people of my leadership project to bless the Cleaners and security Guards of our SIT campus in NP (:
Within an hour, I've got the items I need through donation, and people who volunteered to help on days we would pack the gifts and give them out.
I've got people texting me on the side, to ask if I needed more items, more help, or if they could just get all the oranges in for us. And seriously, the kindness that was overflowing through my class chat, almost left me choked up in tears.
Kindness is what keeps the world going. (: and I'm glad that such a kind group of people are becoming educators of young children! Truly embracing the Wheelock spirit #inspireaworldofgood 👍🏼
Christmas 2016
Thursday, December 29, 2016; 6:59 PM |
Christmas this year was yet again spent in Klang (:
Returned to sg with a heart full of mixed emotions; gladness to have spent good time with dear ones, pride to see how much some of them have grown and matured and sadness to part with those who are so close to my heart.
For many years, I've always felt that my presence in Gsh was mainly for those I've established a closer and deeper relationship with, I've always felt that it isn't within my ability even if I had wanted to, to spend time with everyone and build relationships with every child in the home. It's true, it really isn't quite possible; but this year, i saw things in a relatively different perspective.
I saw how simple conversations can make a difference, how goofing around can help break down walls, how spending quality time/writing cards are efforts that will never go down the drain, and definitely the power of a selfie stick and apps like boomerang 😂
This year, instead of telling them that I love them, I thanked them for loving me. I told them honestly and sincerely that I can't spend equal time with everyone in the home, but I'd want to spend time with them too, no matter how short.
To Rachael, thank you for being the little Sister I've never had, I enjoyed our chats and prayer in the room, and am so blessed to be a part of your journey as you grow and mature into an amazing young lady. I'll tell you again and again, that Jie Anne sees the beauty in you, both inside and out, never let anyone or anything make you feel otherwise. I love you 🙆🏻
To Hannah, for showering me with your love throughout this trip (except when there was sushi and carrom 😂) with the random heart emoticons and handwritten letter. With you, Jie Anne had my share of heartbreaks and heartaches, but it's also with you, I feel and receive so much love. Wished I had more time with you, really. You'll always be my Hannah banana ⛄️
To Bryan, my man in Klang (yes he wouldn't ditch me for sushi, but then again he doesn't like sushi hahaha). I can only wish that in a year's time, you'd still give me hugs upon request 😂 you are such a joy and so fun to be around, I'll be back... to wipe the sweat off your nose 😂
To Thomas, you surprised me with a gift on my last day this trip, and I'm Glad I lugged it home even though it took up a quarter of the luggage. Though you don't say much, I know you know and feel deeply. Thank you for letting me in, into your world 😊
And to Jeremy, for 5 days of improper sleep, looking out for the Chua's, and for being you, thank you. You inspire me, with your kindness, patience, selflessness and incredibly big heart. (Oh and amazing memory 👍🏼) ⛄️
From now till the next time I'll see all of you, I'll keep the "I love you 100%", "I love you till inifity", "this, for you" and "Jie Anne"s close to my heart.
I love all of you, very very much. And thank you for loving me too. ☺️
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